♥April 17, 2009
hello to my pink so-called diary. i have no mood for blogging at the moment but since i'm done with re-typing my new CV and so on, so here i am after a while not blogging. to my friends who get an interview from ITB, congrats. lots of names to mention, best of lucks to you guys.
to patch, epah, fifi, dede, bazy and dayuu, thanks for the help esp fifi, epah and patch. bazy, thanks for your suggestion and to dede, thankss jua for the advise and so on. i appreciate that you guys still want to help me out here. thanks to God that i've been rewarded friends mcm kamu.
to my cousin Ct, thanks for the advise too and for still believing in me. i know i may not be a good cousin but yeah, thanks.
been a hectic start for a new week. hmph. GOD, show me the right path. i don't want to get lost.
and hell, i need a fxcking job, i don't want to enter technical school. hmph. grant my wishh please. let me prov to them that i can live on my own.
last time, overdose of pills release my stress out but this time, i don't think it will work out again. krg kena blacklist ku arah hospital atu and i don't want to be labelled as 'the suicide girl'. it hurts my tummy much the last time. so now, i have to find another way out from this problems. each and every day, i wake up, i feel like it's just another nightmare in life. my life must have been cursed i guess. why me? i'm sick and tired of crying, listening to their wants, rebelling and whatever that hurts me. i just want to be free. i'm 20 and i guess anyone would agree that i should have gained those freedom by now. i'm not a good daughter, cousin, niece and not even a good granddaughter. but i knew how to take care of myself and i knew what's best for me.
with you guys controlling my life, it made me feel like i'm a 6 years old kids. see the result of what you have done to me. i rebelled inside out and now open widely your eyes, sasak kan kamu liat aku caniii. this is all pasal the way 'you' have treated me, i know i'm a girl and bnr kata pepatah, pyh menjaga anak perempuan ane tapi FYI aku pandai bawa diri. i didn't mean to hurt anyone in any way, i know i did and i apologised for my mistake. just let me be with him, he's everything to me, don't you guys understand?? we never did anything wrong, we just wanted to be free. i'm still at my teenage years and you may think that i'm still thinking the immatured way but kamu salah. i've planned my future with him and we still needs time to know each other better. i don't need your opinion about who's the perfect match for me, i don't care, i loved him and i'm the one who will be with him.
a while ago before i started posting this, i texted mumy, i have no guts to talk to her after what had happen all this time. and a very big THANKS mum. i meant it. fyi, i'll be back again staying with her after i'm done with work down here at seria. and we make a deal, don't ever break that mum.
gosh, i've been tearing off since the start of the week and i'm tired with it! inda pandai abis kali airmata ne. baik tah ku buat waterfall nah. pfffftt. i'm going for an interview maybe around next week, they ask me to come by, so i will if there's time.
i'm getting tired already at the moment, so let me end this post here. p/s for my syg, i've got green lights from mumy so no worries. just pray for the better times in our relationship after this. i love you so much more than anything in this entire world. mwaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.
_what comes around goes around? i believe in such thing as karma_
written at♥3:26 PM